Sighs.

I am a sigher... one who sighs..

I think sighing is a good thing even though it often comes across to others like something is wrong or bothering you.

For me, I think I sigh frequently because I am a shallow breather and occasionally my body remembers it could use a bit more oxygen and just takes over.  Of course, sometimes I sigh because I am frustrated, exasperated or something.

Today at yoga I was full of sighs.  Deep, exhausting, let it all out sighs.  I couldn't help myself. They just came again and again.  It felt good and by the end of my practice... I felt good.

The good thoughts and optimism continued for most of the day.  Sundays are a great day.  Until the thoughts of going back to work creep in.  Then I get anxious and frustrated and down on myself.  Not because I don't like work, or that I think I am not a good nurse.  I am a good nurse!  I am a nurturer by nature and take my work seriously.  The worries find me because sadly I am in a place where I am not well liked or respected. I am constantly trying to figure out how I can remedy this and I make myself nuts trying to win over colleagues that are not interested in liking or respecting me.  It's exhausting and depressing.  I try to just do my thing... work hard all day long and give kind care to my patients.  But being an island is hard.  Knowing that no one is glad to see you or happy you are there is hard.

So.. I continue to work on myself and create a vision for how I can be happier.  In many ways I am better than I have ever been.  More at peace than in the past.  I am thankful for that.

Deep breath... And... Sigh.

xo

well, hi there.

I'm back after a lengthy time away.  I want to get back to writing.. it is good for me to share with YOU. I've been trying to change the name of the blog (without success) because I am not a single gal in the same sense I was a single gal in the past... I am still a single gal now in the sense that, well... that's the box I check.

Now I am with TOM!  Wonderful Tom.  2.5 years together, 2 year living together.  Life is good!  It very nice to meet your lobster!

I'm in a time of seeking... seeking to understand myself more... seeking peace... seeking to let myself be as I am.

A struggle I have is basing my love of self on if others love me.  I set unreasonable expectations that if others don't love, accept AND understand me... then I cannot love, accept and understand myself.  That is a lot of pressure on me.  and YOU!  
A great example of this is my tattoos.  I have them.  They are very telling about me...I put it all out there.  I love my tattoos.  I want you to love my tattoos.  There in lies the trouble. If I even perceive that you don't like them, then I have doubt and don't like them.  How exhausting!  I want to love them because I love them.  I have to trust that you may or may not love, accept or understand me, but some people do and that is quite nice.


I'm seeing a Life Coach and she is great for me.  I have tried therapy in the past and it has helped on occasion.  This feels better.. like a mentor. 

I want to constantly evolve.  I want to improve and change.  Instead of a mid life crisis I am hoping for a mid life experience.