First let me just say how much it sucks to admit that this is "middle adulthood". How the freak did that happen???? I was just cruising along young and free and then suddenly I have lines between my eyebrows that stick around and my fertility window has narrowed to a irritating crack.
It's crazy! Life gets away from you and you realize the things you thought would come may not come at all.
I think what happens once you are grown is that it all becomes too complicated... Here are some of the things I have been faced with when meeting new men:
They have kids (not a deal breaker, but..complicated)
They live in another city
They are hard core into an activity, thus basically unavailable for dating
They are self centered and set in their ways
I should say, that of course, this blog is from my perspective. I have plenty of issues too... I am sure I am self centered and set in my ways to a degree. I in no way feel like I am free from deal breaking qualities. In fact, I must be riddled with deal breaking qualities since I am in fact SINGLE at 38. Shit, what a realization to come to.
I suppose the point of this entry was to express my observation that there is more effort needed to make a relationship work at this stage in the game. I pride myself on being easy to be around. I am not naggy, bitchy, or especially needy. I have a roommate right now for the first time in 15 years and we are getting along swimmingly. So, I have faith that I can be lived with.
Ugghh, I don't know. It just seems that when you find someone to date if should be straightforward and "easy". But it isn't I tell you. Either I decide it is too difficult to fit someone into my equation or they decide the same. I think you just have to go for it and not think about it too much. That is what happened in my roommate situation. If I had thought about it very much I would have chosen not to open my home to him. But I didn't think, I merely opened my house to someone in need. The result is that it is fun and not a problem at all.
I have to open my heart and my head to at least try dating the men that on paper might not seem to be a good match.
I can think of a handful of great guys that for one reason or another I didn't pursue harder. Now they are in nice marriages or promising relationships. How depressing is that?
I truly think that things work out as they should, so I don't dwell on missed opportunities or relationships that didn't work out...They would have worked out if they were supposed to.
My mind is open, my heart is open....Let's do this thing!
You have a roommate, a male roommate? Why wasn't this mentioned in our chat earlier? Boy, we do need to talk more often!!! Miss you!!!!
ReplyDeleteHey, look at me! I finally figured out how to post a comment! :)
ReplyDeleteway to go Holly! Yes, I have a guy roommate. Call me and I will fill you in.
ReplyDeleteGreat to keep an open mind about guys that may be normally outside of your box....... you just never know who might end up being the one. Keep two or three things non-negotiable, but be open to other qualities they may or may not have that you thought were non-negotiables. And pray, pray, pray.......He has more control over the whole thing than we sometimes give Him credit for. :) And when you think of how hard it is to date in mid-adulthood, you can think of my dad at 66, and just think how hard that is!! Hee Hee:)
ReplyDeleteP.S. That was not Patrick, but Jerrie, if you weren't sure!! :)
ReplyDeleteHa! I wasn't sure... I was sitting here thinking... who is this Patrick who follows my blog??
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