I have not written in ages. I know it is good for me to get my thoughts out of my head. I am going to try to do that today and be as honest and as real I can.
This single gal is beyond miserable. I believe this is the lowest I have ever been. They say you have to hit bottom before you can truly change so I guess that is the bonus in this.
I feel like I am doing my whole life wrong. I must be because I am about to be 40 and have nothing, NOTHING to show for myself. My entire life is an example of doing it all wrong. My career choices have been wrong. My romantic relationships are wrong. My financial decisions have been wrong. I feel like a complete and utter failure.
For the past 6 months I have been in a relationship. One that I thought mattered. One that I thought would actually stick. I let my guard down and truly believed I was free from singledom and couplehood was finally here for me. M is different and wonderful. But he doesn't want me. It is the same way all of my relationships end. He just told me I am not right for him.
So. I am alone. again.
I suck at being alone. But I also suck at relationships. So there you have it.
The tears keep coming. It is effecting my life and friendships. I know I have to figure this out and get better but I feel like I suck at life.
