dating in middle adulthood

First let me just say how much it sucks to admit that this is "middle adulthood". How the freak did that happen???? I was just cruising along young and free and then suddenly I have lines between my eyebrows that stick around and my fertility window has narrowed to a irritating crack.

It's crazy! Life gets away from you and you realize the things you thought would come may not come at all.

I think what happens once you are grown is that it all becomes too complicated... Here are some of the things I have been faced with when meeting new men:
They have kids (not a deal breaker, but..complicated)
They live in another city
They are hard core into an activity, thus basically unavailable for dating
They are self centered and set in their ways

I should say, that of course, this blog is from my perspective. I have plenty of issues too... I am sure I am self centered and set in my ways to a degree. I in no way feel like I am free from deal breaking qualities. In fact, I must be riddled with deal breaking qualities since I am in fact SINGLE at 38. Shit, what a realization to come to.

I suppose the point of this entry was to express my observation that there is more effort needed to make a relationship work at this stage in the game. I pride myself on being easy to be around. I am not naggy, bitchy, or especially needy. I have a roommate right now for the first time in 15 years and we are getting along swimmingly. So, I have faith that I can be lived with.

Ugghh, I don't know. It just seems that when you find someone to date if should be straightforward and "easy". But it isn't I tell you. Either I decide it is too difficult to fit someone into my equation or they decide the same. I think you just have to go for it and not think about it too much. That is what happened in my roommate situation. If I had thought about it very much I would have chosen not to open my home to him. But I didn't think, I merely opened my house to someone in need. The result is that it is fun and not a problem at all.
I have to open my heart and my head to at least try dating the men that on paper might not seem to be a good match.

I can think of a handful of great guys that for one reason or another I didn't pursue harder. Now they are in nice marriages or promising relationships. How depressing is that?

I truly think that things work out as they should, so I don't dwell on missed opportunities or relationships that didn't work out...They would have worked out if they were supposed to.

My mind is open, my heart is open....Let's do this thing!

Thankful Thursday

A new guitar (that I don't know how to play, but hope to learn.)

Lunch in downtown Lakeland

Lovely weather

An upcoming weekend with my perfect niece

The ability to stop everything and take a nap (next on the agenda)

Thankful Thursday...one day late

My wonderful, long time friend Sarah started doing a "Thankful Thursday" entry on her blog.
I have decided to incorporate that into my life and my blog also. I am thankful everyday for the good things in my life, but taking the time to record what I am thankful for should be fun and a reminder of my many, many blessings.
Therefore, I am thankful for:

my satisfying new career

a very fun date

lovely fall weather

2 remarkably sweet dogs

a fun weekend ahead

Tattooing and being an individual

So, I got some new ink tonight. It was fun and I really like my new piece. I realize that in this day and age, tattooing is not so edgy or unique, but somehow it makes me happy. I feel like I am expressing myself and hopefully showing the free spirit side of me.
I feel like a hippie on the inside. I am learning that others view me differently than I view myself. Perhaps tattooing is me crying out for people to see me as a free spirit. Dunno.
I want so much to be who I am.... one of my favorite sayings is Be As You Are or BSUR. I was reminded today that I am almost 40 (it was like taking a bullet) and I felt like... WOW! Life is ticking away.
I am enjoying my life. I want to live and do and be. I don't want to miss a moment. I don't want to have regrets and I don't want to worry.
I work really hard to be responsible. To be a good person. To be a good friend and family member. To think before I speak and before I act.. But at the same time I want to live and do and be edgy and perhaps risky at times. It is a delicate balance.
I hope I am doing it all right. I hope God is smiling. I hope I will leave this place one day and feel like it was all good. All very good.