Summer Solstice

I love today! The summer solstice! The longest day of the year! The sun didn't set until around 8:45 and I enjoyed the very long day. Don't focus on the fact that now the days will begin to get shorter :) I floated in the lake for 3.5 hours and finished up the swim with a nice skinny dip once it was dark. There is almost nothing sweeter or more freeing than a skinny dip.
Celebrate summer, celebrate life, celebrate family, celebrate health, celebrate safety...celebrate life!

I'm a nice person, I really, really am.

I am the type of person who analyzes. I go over things again and again in my mind. Things I say, things I do... I never want to let anybody down, never want to offend anyone, never want to give anyone any reason not to like me. I am not entirely sure why this is. I worry about it. Alot.

I would like to leave this behind and not be such a self critical, self loathing person. I do know that I cannot control what others are feeling or thinking. I can only control what I do and how I am. And, I can say that I try to be kind, generous, consistant and easy to be around.

So, what has stirred up these emotions??? I am at camp this week and have alot of mixed emotions about this place. I spent so many years of my life here, and yet feel like an outsider when I visit. Everyone is very pleasant, it's not that... but I just feel like a fish out of water. It makes me very, very sad. I was on team during an interesting, transitional time... I had big opinions and was, like everyone else, figuring out who I was when I was here. So, logically I know my camp experience was fine and that no one is having all these big thoughts about me that I think they are... but emotionally... I can't ever seem to really be ok with all of it.

At the Lake

Since I am in unemployed mode until I go back to school in August, I moved over to the lake today. I have the place to myself because mom and dad are on vacation. I can pretend that this is my home! You know, spend lots of time walking around naked :)
My very perfect friends Elisa and Jerrie are coming tomorrow for our yearly girls weekend. I am so excited to have it at the lake this year. Neither of them have been here before so I am anxious for them to experience it.
We just had a nice rain and the sun has come right back out. That is the rain pattern I love!!! Bring the much needed rain, but then clear back up.
I just made myself a cocktail, coconut rum with Sprite Zero. Yum! I will share a funny thing about me... I have this false conception that as soon as you open a two liter bottle of soda that it goes instantly flat. I don't really know why I think that... I am sure you have a few days of reasonable fizz. Hmmm. Dunno.