And... it's over.

That didn't take long at all. J called today to tell me we are over. We had a terrific first week. I was so happy and so confident that I met a good and perfect man for me. Obviously I decided that far to quickly, but we, or at least I can't control my heart and emotions. All I can do now is try to forget him and how quickly I fell for him.
This week has been completely dreadful. My perfect and sweet dog Toby died and it feels like my heart will never heal.
A friend just reminded me of resilience but I don't feel resilient at all. I feel broken and like the tears will never stop.
I will be brave and work on the knowledge that life can change in an instant. A week ago I was high as could be with happiness and thoughts of love.. This week I am lower than I can remember being. Maybe next week will bring something great.

F I N A L L Y

This single gal has met someone! Someone I really like! Hot Damn and Hallelujah! Life can change in an instant and patience does pay off.
SO, I am happily floating through the ephoria that is the early days of dating. "J" as I will refer to him in this blog has me floating through my days with a perpetual smile on my face.
We have only had two dates, but they have been perfect and comfortable and fun and easy going and full of laughing. When he kisses me my knees buckle. I love this feeling of not being able to wait to see him again.
I am getting ahead of myself as always. We barely know each other. But I don't care. When I click with someone I go for it. If I get hurt it will certainly suck but I think it is worth it. And based on my impression of him he isn't going to hurt me anyway.
Happy, Happy! Swoon, Swoon!

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming

This single gal has a date. A coffee date to be exact with a match from eharmony. I am expecting great things since now I have scientific matching on my side!
I have had few other dates lately so I am doing my part to get out there. I know he isn't going to just show up on my doorstep (although the UPS guy is kinda cute).
Fingers crossed and prayers put out there.

2011

So I have been thinking about goals for 2011. It is my last year in my 30s. Whoa. Hold the phone. What's that you say?

I have mixed emotions about turning 40 soon. Mostly I am fine with it and stick with a "you are only as old as you feel/act".

I would like to go into the next decade of my life in the best health and shape I possibly can. I also want to be my best spiritually and emotionally. Therefore, 2011 is going to include the following:

being more active at my home church.

more and varied exercise including abs and strength training.

eating exactly what I want... only less of it.

continuing to be the best nurse I can be. Learning more and connecting with patients each day.

having my heart as open as I can so I can hopefully find my true love.


**between now and the new year I am going to exercise as little as possible, drink too much and eat terribly.
just saying.

Never giving up

I have a date tonight. Gotta keep getting out there right? I have alot of specifics in my mind of what I am looking for... but I am trying to remain open minded so I can hopefully, one day find my mate.
Some of the things I would like to find in a man:


Slim build
Tall (or tall-ish)
a bit edgy and artistic (tattoos a plus)
kind
FUNNY
a person of faith
easygoing
easily entertained
optimistic
reponsible
someone who would like to have one child
someone with their own interests
someone I trust
someone who can express their feeling
someone who is good at giving affirmation (I need alot)

There is so many more things I would like to have. This list makes me seem very particular I know. I am very, very accepting and flexable so I know all of this may not be possible.

All I can do is try, try, try.

Thankful Thursday

My sweet dog Scrabl being so determined to sit in my lap he will take the tiny bit not taken up by my computer.

God being patient with me when I am distant.

That I only work 152 days per year.

That I have had a roommate for the past couple of months.

That life has seasons and something great is on the horizon.

dating in middle adulthood

First let me just say how much it sucks to admit that this is "middle adulthood". How the freak did that happen???? I was just cruising along young and free and then suddenly I have lines between my eyebrows that stick around and my fertility window has narrowed to a irritating crack.

It's crazy! Life gets away from you and you realize the things you thought would come may not come at all.

I think what happens once you are grown is that it all becomes too complicated... Here are some of the things I have been faced with when meeting new men:
They have kids (not a deal breaker, but..complicated)
They live in another city
They are hard core into an activity, thus basically unavailable for dating
They are self centered and set in their ways

I should say, that of course, this blog is from my perspective. I have plenty of issues too... I am sure I am self centered and set in my ways to a degree. I in no way feel like I am free from deal breaking qualities. In fact, I must be riddled with deal breaking qualities since I am in fact SINGLE at 38. Shit, what a realization to come to.

I suppose the point of this entry was to express my observation that there is more effort needed to make a relationship work at this stage in the game. I pride myself on being easy to be around. I am not naggy, bitchy, or especially needy. I have a roommate right now for the first time in 15 years and we are getting along swimmingly. So, I have faith that I can be lived with.

Ugghh, I don't know. It just seems that when you find someone to date if should be straightforward and "easy". But it isn't I tell you. Either I decide it is too difficult to fit someone into my equation or they decide the same. I think you just have to go for it and not think about it too much. That is what happened in my roommate situation. If I had thought about it very much I would have chosen not to open my home to him. But I didn't think, I merely opened my house to someone in need. The result is that it is fun and not a problem at all.
I have to open my heart and my head to at least try dating the men that on paper might not seem to be a good match.

I can think of a handful of great guys that for one reason or another I didn't pursue harder. Now they are in nice marriages or promising relationships. How depressing is that?

I truly think that things work out as they should, so I don't dwell on missed opportunities or relationships that didn't work out...They would have worked out if they were supposed to.

My mind is open, my heart is open....Let's do this thing!