Summer Solstice

I love today! The summer solstice! The longest day of the year! The sun didn't set until around 8:45 and I enjoyed the very long day. Don't focus on the fact that now the days will begin to get shorter :) I floated in the lake for 3.5 hours and finished up the swim with a nice skinny dip once it was dark. There is almost nothing sweeter or more freeing than a skinny dip.
Celebrate summer, celebrate life, celebrate family, celebrate health, celebrate safety...celebrate life!

I'm a nice person, I really, really am.

I am the type of person who analyzes. I go over things again and again in my mind. Things I say, things I do... I never want to let anybody down, never want to offend anyone, never want to give anyone any reason not to like me. I am not entirely sure why this is. I worry about it. Alot.

I would like to leave this behind and not be such a self critical, self loathing person. I do know that I cannot control what others are feeling or thinking. I can only control what I do and how I am. And, I can say that I try to be kind, generous, consistant and easy to be around.

So, what has stirred up these emotions??? I am at camp this week and have alot of mixed emotions about this place. I spent so many years of my life here, and yet feel like an outsider when I visit. Everyone is very pleasant, it's not that... but I just feel like a fish out of water. It makes me very, very sad. I was on team during an interesting, transitional time... I had big opinions and was, like everyone else, figuring out who I was when I was here. So, logically I know my camp experience was fine and that no one is having all these big thoughts about me that I think they are... but emotionally... I can't ever seem to really be ok with all of it.

At the Lake

Since I am in unemployed mode until I go back to school in August, I moved over to the lake today. I have the place to myself because mom and dad are on vacation. I can pretend that this is my home! You know, spend lots of time walking around naked :)
My very perfect friends Elisa and Jerrie are coming tomorrow for our yearly girls weekend. I am so excited to have it at the lake this year. Neither of them have been here before so I am anxious for them to experience it.
We just had a nice rain and the sun has come right back out. That is the rain pattern I love!!! Bring the much needed rain, but then clear back up.
I just made myself a cocktail, coconut rum with Sprite Zero. Yum! I will share a funny thing about me... I have this false conception that as soon as you open a two liter bottle of soda that it goes instantly flat. I don't really know why I think that... I am sure you have a few days of reasonable fizz. Hmmm. Dunno.

New Snack!

It is basically all about food with me :) I think about food alot. I like finding yummy, healthy snacks and my latest one is from Target. Archer Farms Garlic Rosemary Low Fat Baked Potato Crisps. SOOOOO Good! I love rosemary so I think they are super delicious.

I went out running errands and got alot done. I also spent some money which is going to be on my mind more than ever in the next year. I didn't buy anything I didn't need and tried to get the best bargains I could. I suppose that is all I can do. Mostly I will have to refrain from buying anything new in the way of clothes, home accessories, etc. I just need this time while I am not working to be an exercise in being satisfied with what I have. That being said, I will still splurge on a great clearance item or thrift store find I am sure!!

I think I will allot x amount of money per month for retail therapy :) It may be a small amount, but at least I can treat myself sometimes.

Sigh.

Blame the rainy weather, or all the transition in my life... but I am feeling quite blue. Anxious maybe. I have a hard time coming to my job anymore because I feel more out of place than ever. I feel like everyone has moved on and they don't care if I ever worked here. Part of me recognizes that as normal.. they should move on, they should be over me. But I cannot help but want everyone to be broken up about the fact that I am leaving and that they won't see me everyday!!
After all, I have alot to look forward to but I am still terribly sad not to come here everyday and see my FSC people everyday.
I know that I am someone who likes attention, validation and affirmation (who doesn't!). I just want to be liked, missed, cared for, wanted....
Oh poor me! I feel a bit selfish for boo hoo-ing about this. I guess I am lonely and scared and worried about what is to come.

Rain, Rain

don't go away... but please change your pattern. I am ready for some sun and drier air. I am not complaining!! We need the rain. Everything is greener and lakes are fuller so hallelujah!!
What I love is when we have rain in the afternoon and it rains for an hour. Then it is cooler for the rest of the day.
With full days of rain, I have messy floors and damp dogs. Not my favorite thing, but better than no rain at all.
Rain makes me want to nap. I will do just that for a little while after work. Then hot yoga tonight. Can hardly wait!

Not just another Tuesday night.

I am alone alot, but not tonight. Tonight I am with my girls. Once a month my home is filled with the sounds of laughter and conversation as we play Keno. It is a good time and I always look forward to it.

I like having things to look forward to. Even something simple. It allows me to be okay with the down time. And don't get me wrong, I value my alone time. It doesn't take much to entertain me, so I do well with a quiet, simple life. I very much look forward to sharing my life with someone. I have realized lately that a good partnership for me will be one where we are together, yet separate. Where we share things together but have our own interests.

So, my girls will be here soon. I leave you with a new find that I am enjoying tonight. Barefoot wine now has Barefoot Bubbly... tonight I am drinking the Chardonnay variety. They also had Pinot Grigio and a few others. Yum! I love the bubbles.

Oh and we had rain today! Rain, glorious Rain! The prettiest thing I have seen in a while.