Thankful Thursday

A new guitar (that I don't know how to play, but hope to learn.)

Lunch in downtown Lakeland

Lovely weather

An upcoming weekend with my perfect niece

The ability to stop everything and take a nap (next on the agenda)

Thankful Thursday...one day late

My wonderful, long time friend Sarah started doing a "Thankful Thursday" entry on her blog.
I have decided to incorporate that into my life and my blog also. I am thankful everyday for the good things in my life, but taking the time to record what I am thankful for should be fun and a reminder of my many, many blessings.
Therefore, I am thankful for:

my satisfying new career

a very fun date

lovely fall weather

2 remarkably sweet dogs

a fun weekend ahead

Tattooing and being an individual

So, I got some new ink tonight. It was fun and I really like my new piece. I realize that in this day and age, tattooing is not so edgy or unique, but somehow it makes me happy. I feel like I am expressing myself and hopefully showing the free spirit side of me.
I feel like a hippie on the inside. I am learning that others view me differently than I view myself. Perhaps tattooing is me crying out for people to see me as a free spirit. Dunno.
I want so much to be who I am.... one of my favorite sayings is Be As You Are or BSUR. I was reminded today that I am almost 40 (it was like taking a bullet) and I felt like... WOW! Life is ticking away.
I am enjoying my life. I want to live and do and be. I don't want to miss a moment. I don't want to have regrets and I don't want to worry.
I work really hard to be responsible. To be a good person. To be a good friend and family member. To think before I speak and before I act.. But at the same time I want to live and do and be edgy and perhaps risky at times. It is a delicate balance.
I hope I am doing it all right. I hope God is smiling. I hope I will leave this place one day and feel like it was all good. All very good.

pffftt!

How do you spell the sound of sticking out your tongue like a little kid and poo - pooing the world or a situation?
Well, I am doing that right now!
I don't get it, I DO NOT get it!
I can't even get into it right now. But men. MEN! And me. ME! I am a trainwreck when it comes to securing a nice man. In this case even as a friend. I don't know what the Fuckity-Fuck is so wrong with me????????????????????????????????
I think I am fun. easygoing. decent looking. funny. a catch. indeed a catch I say! BUT... I do it wrong again and again... and again... and again.

second verse... same as the first

So, K and I had a fun time. We really did. He is generous and kind and handsome and wonderful. We had laughs and romance.
But.
You knew there would be a but...
It is another dead end. Another failure of sorts in the romance department for me.

I found myself in the mode of trying to convince YET ANOTHER MAN that I am worth being with. It gets very old. How is it so different for so many other women??? They meet a man. man wants to be with them (and they with him). They date. They marry. They are happy. End of story. (* I realize there are sad, failed marriages as well)

I am so frustrated.

Being a nurse and a little on love

It's Fun! Being a nurse that is. I am enjoying it so far. I am working with my preceptor, meeting all the staff and generally feel like I am fitting in just fine.

I suppose it is common for people to find their calling later in life. If I had known I wanted to be a nurse back when I was 18 I would be a well seasoned nurse by now and I would be making the BIG bucks. Ah well, I will learn the ropes and be lightly seasoned before I know it.

I think the 3 day work schedule is going to be sweet! It works perfectly for me... the gal who wants all the time off she can get.

This week I get to see my friend K. He is someone I have know for many, many years. I like him, he likes me, but somehow we have never made the leap to actually being together and making it work. I am hopeful that we may be closer than ever to making the leap. I am not afraid. But he is... I don't want to be in a situation of having to convince him (or anyone else for that matter!) that we should be together. That is exhausting and not a lot of fun for me. If he comes around.... GREAT! But I want easy. I want someone who is my champion and I his. I want love and romance and fun and.... all the good stuff that comes with being with the right person. I have no disillusions that any relationship can be perfect... but when you are equally yoked it can come pretty close.
I think.
I hope.

Glass half full

I am an optimist. I want to be a happy person. I want my mood to be up far more than it is down. I believe that we create the life and atmosphere we desire to live in. There are people who choose to live in drama and misery. Somehow I believe that is their bliss. (I don't get it, but it can be entertaining to watch...)

Which brings me to my present mood. It is not a bad mood, but it is a mood I am not enjoying especially. I am in worry mode... specifically I am scared shitless about my new job. I am not good with transition periods of life and I am about to be in a big one with this career change. While I am excited to begin and know I will ultimately love it... in the meantime I am stressed out. Normal? Of course. Easy? Not so much.

I can think logically about it and know that in a month or so I will be fairly comfortable in my new job and my life will feel balanced and "normal". It is the meantime that I don't like.

Don't get me started about the fact that I take my board exam on Tuesday. That is certainly on my mind. I am studying and preparing as much as I can, but I will be so happy to have that behind me. Good Lord please let me pass the first time!!!!

My personal life is pretty cool. I have great friends and I feel happy in that area except for the lack of a man part. It is quite discouraging, but I remain OPTIMISTIC that he is still out there.

Blah, blah, blah.. Have I said anything earth shattering? Certainly not, but the writing helps.


Now if I could just get laid.