My return from a long time away

It seems I would have written throughout nursing school. Instead I essentially didn't write at all. It would have been very theraputic, but too late now... School is all but OVER! I graduate 2 weeks from tomorrow. It has been a long journey, but a good one overall. Now the next phase of starting this new career. I do believe I have found the right path for me.

But I want to talk about something far more important. And that is....

MEN! I want one. And I may have found a good one :) I have been putting myself out there more and have met some new people... I have reconnected with some old favorites (so to speak) but have been left feeling pretty discouraged.
Then I go on my annual girls weekend and low and behold I meet a very, very nice guy. You certainly never know when they will come around.

I am cautiously optimistic. I am trying to play it cool (not my strong suit) and I am praying about it. I think I deserve love and have alot to give.... so maybe, just maybe I am going to be the lucky one this time.

wide awake

I am not sure why I am awake, but here I am writing at 2:42 am. I am quite the sleeper most of the time. It is almost Olympic how proficient I am at it. I love to dream and just think that sleep is awesome.
But, sometimes... I find myself awake and not getting back to sleep. Alot of times I realize I am hungry.. Tonight was one of those times. So I got up and had pretzels and milk (have you tried it? Good snack!)
This is hard to explain, but I think I have trouble sleeping when I don't feel like myself. When I feel challenged or threatened... or just like I am not being my authentic self. I know I will stay up worrying when I feel I didn't express myself right, was put on the spot or said something I regret.
Geesh! The life of a worrier :)
Well, I am going to try again for some peaceful slumber... maybe here on the couch... sometimes I just need a change of scenery.

False start

Well sort of. When I got to school yesterday, I found out that I don't go back again until July 27th. We work from home, online, at our own pace. So I get to continue being a woman of leisure for a bit longer. No complaints here!!! I could really get used to this... wait, I have!

Here we go!

Tomorrow is the big day! After much anticipation, I start nursing school. I am excited and nervous about what it will be like... but isn't that true for any new endeavor.
I find myself mourning the time off I have relished for the last 5 weeks... but isn't it also true that all good things must end?
I have been so unstressed... I have lost alot of my self consciousness and self worry.... I hope I can keep it at bay even when the stress of school begins.
Oh and I hope I can get up in the morning!! I know I will do it, but I hate it. 6:15 am will come so soon. Ah well, such is life.
I hope to meet great people and plan to start this journey with a great attitude!

Summer Solstice

I love today! The summer solstice! The longest day of the year! The sun didn't set until around 8:45 and I enjoyed the very long day. Don't focus on the fact that now the days will begin to get shorter :) I floated in the lake for 3.5 hours and finished up the swim with a nice skinny dip once it was dark. There is almost nothing sweeter or more freeing than a skinny dip.
Celebrate summer, celebrate life, celebrate family, celebrate health, celebrate safety...celebrate life!

I'm a nice person, I really, really am.

I am the type of person who analyzes. I go over things again and again in my mind. Things I say, things I do... I never want to let anybody down, never want to offend anyone, never want to give anyone any reason not to like me. I am not entirely sure why this is. I worry about it. Alot.

I would like to leave this behind and not be such a self critical, self loathing person. I do know that I cannot control what others are feeling or thinking. I can only control what I do and how I am. And, I can say that I try to be kind, generous, consistant and easy to be around.

So, what has stirred up these emotions??? I am at camp this week and have alot of mixed emotions about this place. I spent so many years of my life here, and yet feel like an outsider when I visit. Everyone is very pleasant, it's not that... but I just feel like a fish out of water. It makes me very, very sad. I was on team during an interesting, transitional time... I had big opinions and was, like everyone else, figuring out who I was when I was here. So, logically I know my camp experience was fine and that no one is having all these big thoughts about me that I think they are... but emotionally... I can't ever seem to really be ok with all of it.

At the Lake

Since I am in unemployed mode until I go back to school in August, I moved over to the lake today. I have the place to myself because mom and dad are on vacation. I can pretend that this is my home! You know, spend lots of time walking around naked :)
My very perfect friends Elisa and Jerrie are coming tomorrow for our yearly girls weekend. I am so excited to have it at the lake this year. Neither of them have been here before so I am anxious for them to experience it.
We just had a nice rain and the sun has come right back out. That is the rain pattern I love!!! Bring the much needed rain, but then clear back up.
I just made myself a cocktail, coconut rum with Sprite Zero. Yum! I will share a funny thing about me... I have this false conception that as soon as you open a two liter bottle of soda that it goes instantly flat. I don't really know why I think that... I am sure you have a few days of reasonable fizz. Hmmm. Dunno.